Burns-themed poem on the recent Glasgow Airport attack my cousin forwarded me, which seems to be doing the rounds

To a Gallant Baggage Handler

(with apologies to Robert Burns)

‘Twas doon by Inch o’ Abbots
Oor Johnny walked yin day

When he saw a sicht that troubled him
Far more that he could say.

A fanatic muslim bastard
Wiz doin’ what he’d planned

And intae Glesca Airport’s hall
A Cherokee he’d rammed.

A big Glaswegian polis
Came forward tae assist

He thocht, “A wumman driver!”
– Or at least some guy half-pissed

But to his shock nae drunken Jock
Emerged to grasp his hand

But a flamin’ Arab loony
Frae yon Al Qaeda band

The mad Islamist nutcase
Had set hissel’ oan fire

And swung oot at the polis,
GBH his clear desire

‘Hey, that’s no richt!’ oor Johnny cried
And sallied tae the fray.

A left hook and a heid butt –
Nae bother! – saved the day.

So listen up Bin Laden:
Yer sort’s no’ wanted here

For imported English radicals
We Scotsmen huv nae fear

Oor hame-grown Glesca Asians
Will have nae bloody truck

So tak yer world-wide jihad
An’ get yersel’ tae Fuck!