The Woolamaloo Gazette is a satirical newspaper I first started on email way back in 1992. It allows me to vent steam on stories which are bugging me or amusing me and hopefully make people think at the same time. Satire is the best defence in any democracy. The rest is just my ramblings, mumblings or rants. You can contact me via "laughing penguin (at) woolamaloo (dot) org (dot) uk" (remembering to swap at for @ and mind the gaps)
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Stormy weather
Down to Portobello this afternoon with my mate and his dog to let him have a run around off the leash on the beach (the dog, not my friend), only to find what was a cold wind in the city centre of Edinburgh was a howling gale coming right off the North Sea at Porty, whipping the waves up into big foaming gray peaks and slamming right into the sea wall so hard they splashed right up the side, across the Esplanade and hit the wall of the structure on the other side. That was when we decided to walk around the block at the worst bit :-) Pictures are a bit fuzzy, the wind was so high my camera lens, glasses and my face were all getting whipped by flying sand granules and salt spray, had to clean them repeatedly but within minutes they just got covered with a film of it again.
The sun is declining in the sky, time to ship oars, furl sails for another day, make all ship-shape and Bristol fashion
I could be wrong, but I get the impression that the tide may be out at this point... You can actually walk down the steps right into the wee harbour floor at North Berwick during low tide, although I don't recommend stepping out much further than the base of the stairs as the muddy sand is rather sinky.
Finally back on the air after most of a week without broadband - when I got home from work on Monday I noticed my cable TV was out and reported it. After dinner I tried to log on with plans to try and do some extra work from home because there was a ton on at work, only to find out my broadband was also out. Since both services come in through the same junction box I was wondering if there was a common fault. Phoned Virgin (who took over from Telewest and haven't really impressed me since they have) to try and report the second fault and this was the start of almost two hours of being pissed around, put on hold, transferred, lost, having to phone again, on hold, lost, told to call a different number for broadband problems which turns out to be a premium rate number so you have to pay Virgin to tell them the service you pay them for isn't sodding working. No, not impressed with that at all, how utterly crap is their customer service?
In the end the engineer who came out wasn't told of the second fault - again how crap are Virgin at looking after customers? - but was happy enough to look at both. Thursday evening was the earliest they could send someone (which didn't make me any happier, 4 days with no service), they were supposed to come after six so I could get home from work but the eejits at the help desk never bothered to pass this on to the poor engineer who rings my mobile at 4pm to say he is outside my flat. I was obviously still at work. He has more appointments later and can't come back. Now being without cable is annoying, but I have already been most of a working week without broadband and a week when I had more on than I could deal with at work and needed to try and do a bit extra but couldn't because of this. And now I'm thinking when the hell will they next get out? Luckily the engineer who is used to this sort of problem - they rarely pass on time requests to them - phoned his boss direct and arranged someone to call over the holiday weekend and its all sorted, but I'm inclined to write a stinker to Virgin, assuming they bothered to read it since I have emailed them before about parts of the way service has changed since they took over and they never bothered to reply. This is the same company who wants to offer space flights in a few years? Richard Branson, you are an arse and you should sort out the customer care for your terrestrial companies first.
Anyway, back on the air, catching up on a week of missed emails - including first pics of my new wee cousin just born in Canada last week - and getting round to sorting more Paris pictures for my Flickr, but before I put up some more Paris pics and video, something a little closer to home:
Spring has sprung and the locals flock to the sun-kissed beaches of Portobello, Edinburgh's Rivieria :-). In true British fashion we have had some mild spells during the winter which means flowers were starting to grow in early February then as we hit the Easter holiday weekend we get snow, hailstones, rain and driving, bitterly cold, icy wind. My friend was taking his dog (Bruce the greyhound, who has graced these pages before) for a walk but with the weather so changeable we just went down to Porty to let Bruce gallop along the beach. It was one of those days of rapidly alternating dull, overcast weather as large gray clouds came over, only to scud away just as rapidly with the high winds to leave you in sunshine, then back to cloud, sun, cloud...
Through it all the howling, cold wind which cut through you and drove the sea into foamy gray-green wildness. Especially further down where the good beach at Porty gives way to stone steps and a sea wall, where the waves were crashing into it then rebounding back outwards with undiminished ferocity to hit the incoming waves, resulting in huge explosions of foaming water, often coming up high enough to soak the promenade where I was filming from, a good 8 or 10 feet above the water. Welcome to the Scottish spring!
I was attempting to supply a little commentary on this video, but I think the wind drowns out most of it. In case you are wondering I was basically doing my bit for the tourism industry and advising anyone watching this who was thinking on visiting our beautiful land to bring something warm. And waterproof. Still, although the beach was almost deserted despite the school holidays (a small blessing of the weather, less screaming kids to deal with) some folks didn't seem to be put off by the weather, happily out playing in the waves with their jetski:
Down on the beach next to Yellowcraig by the Fidra Lighthouse, a couple of miles up the coast from North Berwick this afternoon. We lucked out in that the gray clouds parted to give us some sunshine, but the chill wind coming in right from the North Sea was bitterly cold and it drove the waves into the rocky shore so energetically we had to cut short our walk because sometimes the waves would literally come right up the entire beach to the dunes, so if you didn't want to do some November paddling (and this water is bloody cold in August!) then it was best to just head off elsewhere.
(seabirds skim the crashing waves at North Berwick)
(with the changing of the tides the seabirds were out in force but every time they landed to check the wet sand for tasty morsels the violent waves would come crashing in once more and into the air they'd leap)
Sunny (but cool) spring-like day down at North Berwick, Scotland, not far from Edinburgh, watching as some sailors bring in a small yacht and take it out the water.
The Sad Tale of the Brothers Grossbart, Jesse Bullington Footnotes in Gaza, Joe Sacco My Dead Body, Charlie Huston Hobgoblin Wars, Leo Baxendale Orbus, Neal Asher Cash: I See a Darkness, Reinhard Kleist Naming of the Beasts, Mike Carey Bar None, Tim Lebbon God of Clocks, Alan Campbell The Best of Michael Moorcock, Michael Moorcock Burma Chronicles, Guy Delisle We Never Talk About My Brother, Peter S Beagle The King's Gold, Arturo Pereze Reverte Galapagos, Kurt Vonnegut Turn Coat, Jim Butcher Dr Jekyll & Mr Hyde (graphic novel adaptation), Klimowski & Schejbel Thicker Than Water, Mike Carey The Fencing Master, Arturo Perez Reverte Every Last Drop, Charlie Huston Seeds of the Earth, Mike Cobley The Plague, Albert Camus Harm, Brian Aldiss Essential Dykes to Watch Out For, Alison Bechdel Elmer part 4, Gerry Alanguilan Absolute Sandman Volume 4, Neil Gaiman et al Complete Ro-Busters, Pat Mills et al Sands of Sarasvasti, Risto Isomaki, Petri Tolppanen & Jussi Kaakinen Stickelback: England's Dreaming, Ian Edgington & D'Israeli The Essential Dykes to Watch Out for, Alison Bechdel The Wall of America, Thomas Disch Absolute Sandman Volume 3, Neil Gaiman et al In the Shadow of the Northern Lights: Swedish Underground Comics, Galago Vertigo Encyclopedia, Alex Irvine Swallow Me Whole, Nate Powell Too Cool to be Forgotten>/i>, Alex Robinson The Sun Over Breda, Arturo Perez Reverte Night Sessions, Ken MacLeod Steel Remains, Richard Morgan The Tale of One Bad Rat (hardback ed.), Bryant Talbot Digital Plague, Jeff Somers Bloodheir, Brian Ruckley Un Peau Avant le Fortune, Dupuy et Berberian The Yiddish Policeman's Union, Michael Chabon The Lost Child, Keith Donohue Britten & Brulightly, Hannah Berry That Salty Air, Tim Sievert Tonoharu, Lars Martinson Mobius Dick, Andrew Crumey Lives of the Monster Dogs, Kirsten Bakis The Devil's Right Hand, Lilith Saintcrow All the Blood in Brooklyn, Charlie Huston Death by Chocolate, David Yurkovich White Night, Jim Butcher Shooting War, Anthony Lappe and Dan Goldman Absolute Sandman Volume 2, Neil Gaiman et al Halting State, Charles Stross Matter, Iain M Banks The Poor Bastard, Joe Matt Tamara Drew, Posy Simmonds With the Light, Keiko Tobe Hard-Boiled Wonderland at the End of the World, Haruki Murakami The Last Samurai: The Life and Battles of Saigo Takamori, Mark Ravina Judge Dredd: the Carlos Ezquerra Collection, Wagner, Grant, Ezquerra et al Hellboy: the Troll Witch and Other Stories, Mike Mignola et al Cat's Cradle, Kurt Vonnegut Fox Bunny Funny, Andy Hartzell Neverwhere, Neil Gaiman Dead Men's Boots, Mike Carey Strontium Dog: the Search/Destroy Agency Files 02, Alan Grant, John Wagner, Carlos Ezquerra et al Riddley Walker, Russell Hoban Thrill Power Overload, Dave Bishop The Dreaming Void, Peter F Hamilton No Dominion, Charlie Huston Judge Dredd the Complete Case Files Volume 7, Wagner, Grant et al Alice in Sunderland , Bryan Talbot Dark Space, Marianne de Pierres The Steep Approach to Garbadale, Ian Banks Glasshouse, Charles Stross Black Hole, Charles Burns The Execution Channel, Ken MacLeod Dead Man Rising, Lilith Saintcrow Black Man, Richard Morgan Strontium Dog: the Search/Destroy Agency Files 01, Alan Grant, John Wagner, Carlos Ezquerra et al The Complete Nemesis the Warlock Vol 1, Pat Mills, Kevin O'Neill and Bryan Talbot Judge Dredd: the Complete Case Files Volume 6, Wagner, Grant, Smith, Ezquerra et al Ink: the Book of All Hours 2, Hal Duncan Wicked West II: Abomination & Other Tales, Livingston, Tinnell, Vokes et al Strange Girl 2: Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now, Remender, Nguyen et al Heart Shaped Box, Joe Hill Leviathan, Ian Edgington and D'Israeli Pride of Baghdad, Brian K Vaughan and Niko Henrichon Judge Dredd: the Complete Case Files Volume 5, Wagner, Ezquerra, Bolland et al The Sonambulist, Jonathan Barnes Already Dead, Charlie Huston Nova Swing, M John Harrison Rogue Trooper: RealpolitikVarious Kickback, David Lloyd Captain Alatriste: the Purity of the Blood , Arturo Perez-Reverte The Adventures of Captain Alatriste , Arturo Perez-Reverte Alan Quatermain, H Rider Haggard New Arabian Nights, Robert Louis Stevenson The Lathe of Heaven, Ursula Le Guin Judge Dredd: the Complete Case Files Volume 4, Wagner et al Anubis Gates, Tim Powers Scar Night, Alan Campbell Vicious Circle, Mike Carey Fiends of the Eastern Front, Finley-Day & Ezquerra Working For the Devil, Lilith Saintcrow Dead Beat, Jim Butcher Winterbirth, Brian Ruckley Polystom, Adam Roberts Judge Dredd: the Art of Kenny Who?, Wagner, Grant, Kennedy Grendel, John Gardner Hellboy: Strange Places, Mike Mignola Judge Dredd: the Complete Casefiles Volume 3, Wagner, Smith et al Concrete 4: Killer Smile, Paul Chadwick GradisilAdam Roberts Never Let Me GoKazuo Ishiguro Judge Dredd: the Complete Casefiles Volume 2, Mills, Wagner, Ezquerra et al The Lies of Locke Lamora, Scott Lynch Concrete 3: Fragile Creature, Paul Chadwick The Voyage of the Sable Keach, Neal Asher Babel-17, Samuel R Delany Judge Dredd: the Complete Casefiles Volume 1, Mills, Wagner, Ezquerra et al The Devil You Know, Mike Carey Shriek: an Afterword, Jeff Vandermeer Black Juice, Margo Lanagan Seven Soldiers of Victory Volume 1, Grant Morrison et al Dusk, Tim Lebbon 9Tail Fox, Jon Courtney Grimwood Classic Dan Dare: Prisoner of Saturn 2, Frank Hampton Damn Nation, Andrew Cosby and J Alexander Accelerando, Charles Stross The Demolished Man, Alfred Bester Judas Unchained, Peter F Hamilton Concrete Volume 1: Depths, Paul Chadwick Dusk, Tim Lebbon Storm Front, Jim Butcher The Incredible Adam Spark, Alan Bissett The Literary Traveller in Edinburgh, Alan Foster Anansi Boys, Neil Gaiman Vellum: the Book of All Hours, Hal Duncan Provender Gleed by James Lovegrove Nova Scotia, Edited by Andrew J Wilson and Neil Williamson
Recent pastimes:
Dancing to the Music of Time
Re-creating scenes from the Battle of Ticonderoga using only toy penguins
Creating new life from assorted body parts, Lego and glittersticks
Trying to see if cream cakes improve health
Thinking on ironic and painful punishments for Tony Blair and George Bush to endure
Teaching penguins to sing choral harmonies
Training my cats in anti-terrorism techniques
Making human-shaped figures out of raspberry jelly then trying to animate them by magic to do my bidding
Supporting my local brewery
Aiding the KLF (Kangaroo Liberation Front)
Some recent cinema outings:
The Girl With a Dragon Tattoo
The Crazies
Alice in Wonderland
Gentlemen Prefer Blondes
Micmacs
Solomon Kane
From Paris With Love
Breakfast at Tiffany's
Ponyo
Toy Story 2 3D
Singing in the Rain
Daybreakers
Sherlock Holmes
Avatar
Where the Wild Things Are
The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus
National Lampoon's Animal House
Men Who Stare at Goats
Zombieland
Toy Story 3D
Surrogates
Creation
Mesrine: Killer Instinct
District 9
The Thing
Dorian Gray
Inglorious Basterds
Public Enemies
Coco Before Chanel
Dr No
Martyrs
Terminator Salvation
Spartacus
Star Trek
Tintin in Tibet
From Russia With Love
In the Loop
Let the Right One In
Monsters Versus Aliens
Religulous
Boat That Rocked
The Good, the Bad and the Ugly
Two Lovers
Milk
Valkrie
All About Eve
Waltz With Bashir
The 39 Steps
Quantum of Solace
Day the Earth Stood Still
Mirrors
Wall-E
Star Wars: Clones Wars
Man on Wire
The Dark Knight
Hellboy II: the Golden Army
The Incredible Hulk
Edge of Love
The Wackness
Elegy
Jules et Jim
Fear(s) of the Night/Peur(s) du Noir
Idiots and Angels
Jason and the Argonauts
Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day
Paris
Le Voyage de Ballon Rouge
The Orphanage
Diary of the Dead
The Other Boleyn Girl
Celebrity
Juno
Cloverfield
Alien Vs Predator: Requiem
Lust: Caution
Sweeney Todd
Charley Wilson's War
I am Legend
The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford
Beouwulf 3D
Ratatouille
30 Days of Night
Seachd: the Inaccessible Pinnacle
Michael Clayton
The Brave One
Resident Evil: Extinction
3:10 to Yuma
Atonement
Run, Fat Boy, Run
Bourne Ultimatum
Day Watch
Manufacturing Dissent: Uncovering Michael Moore
In the Shadow of the Moon
Tekkonkinkreet
The Hottest State
Stardust
Hallam Foe
The Simpsons Movie
Casablanca
La Vie en Rose
Die Hard 4.0
Shrek the Third
Ocean's Thirteen
Pirates of the Caribbean: at World's End
Jan Svankmajer animated shorts
28 Weeks Later
Spider-Man 3
The Painted Veil
Factory Girl
300
Becoming Jane
The Illusionist
Ghost Rider
Last King of Scotland
The Science of Sleep
Hot Fuzz
The Fountain
Night at the Museum
Perfume: the Story of a Murder
The Wizard of Oz
Manhattan
Pan's Labyrinth
Casino Royale
The Prestige
The Devil Wears Prada
The Departed
Clerks 2
Cars
Hoodwinked
The Black Dahlia
An Inconvenient Truth
Severance
Al Franken: God Spoke
Art School Confidential
Clerks II
My Country, My Country
The Host
Busting
Lady in the Water
Wristcutters: a Love Story
Cars
Driving Lesson
Friends With Money
Miami Vice
The Break-Up
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest
Superman Returns
Mildred Pierce
X-Men 3: the Last Stand
Mission Impossible III
Silent Hill
Slither
Junebug
The Proposition
Inside Man
V For Vendetta
Syriana
Walk the Line
Good Night and Good Luck
Cache (Hidden)
Underworld: Evolution
Brokeback Mountain
Memoirs of a Geisha
Hidden Blade
The Producers
I'm a 30-something blogger in Edinburgh, once sacked by my former employer for comments on the blog. I'm a bookseller and a serious book and movie fan, also posting reviews on books, graphic novels and movies regularly. The rest of my time is spent in thinking up smartarse comments, tickling my cats and supporting my local brewery.