MOUNTAINOUS ERUPTIONS FEARED

Geologists and National Park Rangers warned visitors and natives alike to leave the Flushmore National Park area amidst increased signs of activity from the twin peaks of Mount Big Mellons lead to fears of an imminent volcanic eruption. The mountains are unique in being practically identical, lying side by side and resembling a pair of gargantuan breasts in one of those pointy 1950s Playtex ‘cross-your-heart’ brassieres. They received their mammary-influenced name from the early explorers Fewlish and Lark who traveled from the original thirteen colonies on the east coast of America right to the Pacific, only to discover that the more famous Lewis and Clark had beaten them by a year. However, despite their notable place in the history books those gentlemen never gazed upon a pair of twin mountains which looked exactly like a pair of enormous titties. Mount Big Mellons draws in tens of thousands of visitors each year. Fewlish and Lark went on to find other great natural wonders with similarities to body parts, most notably the Great Sandstone Willy in Arizona (a sandstone pillar standing free and erect) and North America’s largest shrub, the Californian Bush.