Royal sale

Fisties, the leading auction house dealing in erotica, has been holding a huge sale of royal erotica and other intimate items which once belonged to Princess Margaret. Among the items being auctioned off by money hungry relatives… Sorry, by poor rich relatives left with inheritance taxes which forced them to sell enough to earn ten times what they need for those taxes… were the Royal pantyliners, which were the very first to be made with wings in Britian back in 1958. Being a royal princess however, the wings are made from the real wings taken from swans in the royal parks.

The diamond clitoris ring was, of course, one of the objects to attract some of the highest bids and was outdone only by the jewel-encrusted Faberge vibrator the princess was given on her wedding because it was well known her husband to be had as much chance of knowing how to find the clitoris as he had of finding a proper job and earning a real living. The matching Faberge Love Eggs were also a highly sought after object of desire for bidders. Her many cigarette holders were popular, as were her solid-silver cocaine snorting straws.

In order to supply at least a fig leaf of respect to this tasteless money grubbing exercise the Queen insisted her relatives reserve at least a portion of the proceeds for charity. So part of the immense monies raised from beyond the grave will go to the League of Wealthy and Sexually Frustrated Women which tries to help noble woman left frustrated by a lifetime of marriage to sexually inept aristocratic husbands.

Okay, was that a little sick? You think so? You think we should feel sorry for these rich toffs hawking items their even more pampered mother had in her possession through an accident of birth and a life lived at the expense of taxpayers? Nahhhhh…