Monday, June 13, 2005

Thanks

It's been an emotionally tough and draining week. I'm still upset at us losing Zag but poor Melanie is taking it far harder; as he lived with her she's constantly reminded of his absence. We've both had the irrational guilt thing as well - you know, where you realise intelectually that something isn't your fault but emotionally you feel the guilt.

For several days I kept thinking on when he was only about two and climbed out of the kitchen window in our student flat. I realised he was going to go so far down the pipes and then get stuck, so I came out into the garden and just stood there for twenty minutes until eventually he fell off and plumetted groundward. I caught him safely in my arms. He looked up at me with a sort of 'I had it all under control, you know' look then bounded happily away. And last week I kept thinking I wasn't there this time to reach out and save him. Stupid, irrational, but then feelings aren't rational, are they?

Poor Mel has it worse, convinced it was all her fault when the truth is she gave him a happy little life and of course it wasn't her fault, it was just one of those awful accidents that happen. I've been round at her place every night for the last week, keeping her company and playing with little Dizzy, Zag's wee sister (who is a little cutey - she seemed to stop growing around the age of 2 and still looks quite kittenish). Perhaps when we get the wee guy's ashes back from the vet she'll be able to get a little more closure, but for now its a tender wound and it makes me very worried for her. Anyway, much thanks to all of you who posted such kind sentiments, I really appreciated them.

3 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Joe
You probably know about wilwheaton.net, but if you don't, as a fellow cat owner (and I'm just not going to go into the details or we'll be here all night), I thought his thoughts and the comments he received might be cool for you and Mel to read. http://www.wilwheaton.net/mt/archives/2005_04.php

11:24 PM  
Blogger John said...

Really, really sorry to hear about Zag. How we love these beautiful, perfect little creatures. People who think it's stupid to grieve for an animal simply shouldn't be allowed to have them. As your post so amply demonstrates, he was very much loved, and had a wonderful life.

9:02 PM  
Blogger Joe said...

Thanks a lot, guys, I really appreciate it.

Joe

9:47 PM  

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