Suffer the little children

I was moved by Vegar’s ruminations on the paucity of childcare facilities in the UK. Although normally a typical bachelor who enjoys kicking small infants, stealing their candy and generally rating my cats to be more important than children I was moved by the eloquence of his plea for more childcare in the UK. It is to this end and in the spirit of helpfulness that I say we should look to the glorious history of our Sceptred Isle for an asnwer to this problem.

Therefore as a student of history may I suggest the immeadite re-instatement of the grand old tradition of using small children in factories and mills to nip in-between the large machines. This will ensure they are occupied while parents are at work and as the small infants can run in between moving machines industy won’t have to shut them down for maintenance, thus boosting British productivity and making us more competitive with Third World nations who still practise this form of childcare. No, don’t look at me like that, you buggers – just think who made your shirt or sneakers before you get all high and mighty on me! If it’s good enough for the poor kids in Indonesia who made your GUP shirt or Nookie trainers surely it’s good enough for your children? If this is too much for you we could use some small children as chimney sweeps once more and unscrupulous circus owners will rent small kids to masquarade as dwarves in the Big Top.

For those parents still unconvinced by my helpful suggestions there is always the miracle of ether. And if you still insist on expensive private care then remember your kids can be a resource: sell the stem cells from your newborn to some genetic scientists for hard cash to pay for the nursery care. I hope I have done my little bit to help in the struggle for better childcare in the UK. Anyway, when you think on it the lack of nursery care in the UK is a way of preparing the children for the day they are old and realise their pension is worthless and they lack care facilities once more – thus is the circle of life complete.