It’s getting utterly ridiculous in the world of men’s grooming. I predicted this some time back and it has come to pass. Loads of adverts for FOUR bladed razors. Four blades? I recall when you used to get just one. Then it was ‘two blades – one to shave you, one to shave you even closer’. Then we had three blades ‘so sharp they need to be kept behind bars’. Now it’s four baldes for the ultiamte shave (or latest ultimate as all of the previous were once the ultimate).

Now this is getting bloody silly. How much further can this go? In my adult shaving lifetime we’ve gone from single baldes to four. At this rate by 2025 men will have one hugely muscled arm to hold their 27 blade razor. Once men used a big old sharp straight razor. Or if they were tough they used their knife or a cutlass if they were pirates. The French used guilitones which did give a very close shave but had bad side effects, such as terrible razor rash (the secret is to moisturiser guys, never cologne).

By 2040 Gilette will introduce the laser-guided smart shaver which opens before impact to release 10,003 nano blade shavers. This will be a spin off from the US military programme to eliminate Al Queda activists by dropping self-targetting multiple warhead nano shavers over Islamic countries to shave those silly big bushy beards off the buggers. Tough guys will shave with a lightsabre or a phaser.

2368 – men use wormhole and FTL technology to travel send their facial follicles backwards in time to avoid the whole shaving thing entirely.

3518 – phycisists learn to manipulate mini black holes, using the tiny singularities to suck the follices right out of your face. Porno sales folk adapt it for the ultimate penis enlarger pump and send you lots of spam mail to tell you about it.

You know, I’m kind of glad I grew a beard this year. I shall join with me mucker Matthew and laugh at the four bladed numpties. Unless you’re the wicked Kali-type living statue with multiple limbs aniamted by Ray Harryheusan there is no need to have more sharp edges than an Oscar Wild witticism.