Sunday, February 10, 2008

Shag for health

Apparently the National Health Service is promoting regular shagging as good for your health - not just in terms of mental wellbeing but that 'sexcersise' can also promote physical health. Sadly they don't seem to be backing up this claim with treatment - it appears we aren't going to get a prescription from our doctors to visit a sexual therapist for a quick bonk, which is a shame as I'd imagine that would be a great boost to national morale and health. Suffering Seasonal Affected Disorder? Here, take this prescription to the Sex Nurse in room five for a quick shag... Oh well, guess we will have to take responsibility for our own well-being, eh? Anyone fancy getting healthy then drop me a line and bring a bottle of hot oil...

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Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Looney Tunes Bishop - condoms are deliberately infected with HIV

There has been a huge amount of highly dangerous bullshit from the Catholic church, especially in the developing world, over the use of condoms to try and stem the high levels of HIV infections. Despite the vast numbers of people infected they continue not only to oppose the use of prophylactics but stories abound of certain church groups and even charities doing their best to stop locals using them, knowing full well that it will fuel further infection, because of fixed views on birth control laid down by a bunch of eejits in a male-only club who never have sex themselves (except sometimes with young altar boys, of course). Now
Archbishop Francisco Chimoio, head of the Catholic church in Mozambique is claiming that condoms shouldn't be used because certain un-named European countries deliberately infect some condoms with the HIV virus to wipe out Africans. No, I'm not joking, that's what this crazy fuckwit actually said.

Africans are doing a pretty good job in spreading the infection without any conspiracy theory like this being used, an infection rate boosted by the retarded stance of the (supposedly) celibate male priests of the church, yet here is this hypocritical bugger claiming it is the fault of shady, un-named countries. So he gets to scare people into doing what he wants them to do, knowing full well that he is leaving them exposed to a greater likelihood of infection as a result and manages to blame someone else at the same time and pretend he's doing the Lord's Will, so it is all okay then. Almost Machiavellian in one aspect, atrocious, irresponsible and diabolically irresponsible in all other aspects. Then again if you follow rules on sexual matters from a bunch of celibate old men who are mortally terrified of women then you're a fucking idiot and probably too stupid to live, so go ahead, follow his advice and end up winning yourself a Darwin award.

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Monday, August 20, 2007

Necrophiliacs, please be gentle...

"And I like the idea of graveyards. I don’t want to be cremated, I want to be buried. Though it’s in my will that they’re not allowed to have an open coffin. But, I always say if you’re really famous someone steals your body and then you get two burials and more publicity. I always fear that in America, if you are a necrophiliac, where else are you gonna meet a body? In a funeral home! When you’re dead I think the word goes out: ‘You’ve got 36 hours, Anna Nicole’s here. The bidding starts at $150,000.’ I actually believe that does happen. I am afraid of that. If anyone bids for me, I hope they’re gentle. I hope I go for a high price if they bid on me and if my fear is true."

The great John Waters, the 'Pope of Trash', speaking in the Scotsman today. I love John Waters, if he's one of those counter culture figures in movies that if he hadn't existed he'd have to have been invented. And he also starred in one of the best Simpsons episodes ever (back when the show was still great and not watered down like today), the Homer Phobia episode.

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Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Naughty children

A court in Florida has prosecuted two people for taking pictures of underage kids in sexual acts; the kicker is that they are a teenage boyfriend and girlfriend who took snaps of each other for themselves. The court wasn't fussed about 16 and 17 year olds shagging, but how dare they take pictures of each other. That makes a huge amount of sense; I am sure these teens are now chastised and in awe of the majestic reason of the law.

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