So, after several weeks of walking and exercising a bit more each day since I was released from hospital, after the cancer surgery, I have been feeling stronger, appetite back (what a relief to not just be able to eat again without pain, but actually want to enjoy food, something I couldn’t do increasingly before the surgery, the tumours had blocked so much of my digestive system). I was starting to think maybe I could do a few hours back at work, cover some busy spells, ease myself back into things…

… But then it was time to start the chemotherapy, which, of course, knocks me back a bit physically. The irony of getting myself stronger and fitter after the heavy surgery, only to then get knocked back again by more treatment. Of course they had to wait for me to recover a bit before starting this, as the medication is, basically, toxic, and damaging to healthy cells, blood and nerves as well as any cancerous ones, I understand it, but it still feels bitterly ironic to get healthier to then undergo more that makes me feel worse.

(since the toxic meds of chemo can bugger up the immune response, it is time to mask up again on public transport, just to be safe)

It’s been a week now since the first full treatment, plugged in as the drugs are fed into you for a few hours, and then started the daily, very heavy pill regime too (also coming with its own list of side effects, from common and minor to terrifying, but fortunately rare). So far I have felt several side effects, but thankfully not the worst, and have still been able to continue to get out each day, although I tire more quickly (again – sigh, was just over that!). Has to be done, and will be months of this now, although fortunately only a few of the hours long version where I am plugged in, but the sad thing is it simply has to be done and endured.

To go through all the scariness, pain and trauma of major surgery than not take the chemo, well, would be basically gambling that it was all gone and never coming back. And you can’t take that risk, not with bloody cancer. So it’s this for the next few months. What a bloody awful year it has been so far. If it wasn’t for my family and friends being so damned supportive and protective I wouldn’t be able to cope with it, I’d just retreat into myself. I don’t know how anyone could get through this sort of thing without that vital support, it’s as important as the actual medical care.