The new government campaign advises men to ensure they obtain clear consent to sex. While I’m all in favour of men being a bit more responsible there seems to be a bit of a problem with this approach: without having such consent witnessed then how could anyone prove it either way? A man could say a woman he met in a club had consensual sex with him and she could claim it was rape – either could be telling lies, without some form of proof or witnesses you would still have the exact same problem you had before this new campaign. Men could be wrongly accused by a vindictive woman and sleazy men who violated someone who was vulernable when drunk could still get away with it.

So the obvious answer is to have lawyers and notaries in nightclubs. You could discuss the idea of some post-imbibing consensual sex over your drinks, then when you go to the cloakroom on the way out you visit the notary and have your agreement to a drunken shag formally documented so then the man is totally safe. Of course this has to go both ways and women could take out related documents which allow her to complain if the quality of the drunken shag is below acceptable quality or duration (or both). Further documentation could be taken out pertaining to who agrees to sleep on the wet spot and for consent to make breakfast the next morning.

All of this may take some of the romance out of things of course. And the government guidelines aren’t too clear – is this aimed at casual, drunken flings or does a husband need to get a solid and clear agreement before a romantic tumble with his wife? Or with someone else’s wife for that matter? Does the wife need to get permission too? Or is it considered bad for the husband to pressure her for sex but alright for her to demand sex when the poor soul is engrossed in balancing beer cans on his belly while watching the football?

Overall though I can’t help but think these rules are more than a little redundant – after all, most straight men spend a lot of their time trying to get women to consent to sex with them already.