Fry the frog

Looking back on the recent election here I can’t help but think that if any of the major parties had included a commitment to ban the sodding ‘crazy frog’ video ringtone and furthermore undertook to have all of the responsible people at Jamster arrested, stripped, painted in verses heretical to the Koran and mailed to Pakistan then I’d probably have voted for them.

That smegging frog and the bloody birds are up there with Big Brother and other ‘reality’ shows (which have no more reality than any other medium) as symptoms of the Decline and Fall of Western Civilisation. Of course, civilisation is always declining and falling – plenty or Roman commentators remarked upon this 2, 000 years ago. But goddamit, those things are hellish and frankly I think Jamster are an affront to society.

Frantically trying to flip channels before one of their adverts can run its course I keep thinking ‘who the smeg buys these things?’ What sad, pathetic person decides this is the wacky novelty which their empty life needs? Is it the kind of person who tells you they’re ‘a bit mad, a bit zany’? And of course, are nothing of the sort.

Well, I actually found out on the train from London last week when a couple of annoyingly loud ‘yah’ type students from Edinburgh Uni sat in the same carriage as me and not only played all of these damned ringtones but insisted on singing along with them… Is it wrong to fantasise about going over, taking their phone, wrenching their jaws open, ramming the phone between their teeth and forcing them to bite down on it? Would any court convict?