Life here in the People’s Republic of Woolamaloo is generally quiete. Sure there is the odd raid on the post office and liquer store by the Kangaroo Liberation Front (KLF), but generally the most exciting thing to happen recently was when Drongo McSpuddin got drunk at sheep sheering time and accidentally shaved himself instead of the sheep.
However, that rare beast Excitement has arrived in dusty Woolamaloo as an election was announced. Woolamaloo’s Prime Minister, Cheeser Hogan – known to everyone in town as ‘Cheshire’ because of his constant fixed grin – called for parliament to be disolved (usually done by pouring a mixture of acid and flat lager over the building – this makes election here very expensive since we have to replace the parliament building each time we vote. Luckily the parliament building is usually someone’s old barn with some folding chairs in it).
Cheshire has been PM now for several parliaments and many are wondering if he will make it through to another session. He lost a lot of voters when he backed Bush and dispatched two entire battalions of koalas and two and a half soliders from Woolamaloo’s crack Fosters Regiment to Iraq (the half would be Legs McKenzie, who lost both legs capturing the vicious Man Eating Mutant Sheep of Mobadonga gorge and is reckoned a hero round here). This may not sound like much to the bigger countries, but it still makes for a superior force to the Italian army. However, no-one can tell if this will be enough to give Johnny Walker of the Loosely Liberal Party or Vlad Tepesh of the Concerned Conceited Conservative Party the edge to prise power from Cheshire or not.
People here are especially worried about the security of postal voting after an investigation found 342 postal ballots with the same signature stuffed inside a kangaroo’s pouch. Since some of the outlying homes and farms may be up to 40 miles from town it was hoped postal voting might be a boon to the turnout figures, but now the electorate have no trust in the system. Will there be more voting irregularities? Will there be a swing to the KLF? Or will no-one bother to actually vote?Naturally will bring you more of the thrilling election news from Woolamaloo as it develops.