Ladies, you thought the dashing, multi-barrelled-monickered cook was only good for slaughtering his own livestock and cooking it up. But now ‘meat’ the all-new, sexed-up Hugh Fearningly-Whittingstall, or ‘Dick Whittingstall’ as he is now known.

In the pages of his new Kama Sutra Cooking book, the River Frottage Beat Your Meat recipe book, Hugh shows you how to have a juicy big sausage, what to do with a giant marrow, the correct way to stuff a lamb, how to wring your chicken neck yourself and just what countryside chefs do with a big bit of meat on their hands. Learn how to beat your meat with Hugh. Even more exciting than Jamie Oliver’s the Naked and Oiled Chef. And Nigella Swallows. Yes, folks, TV cooking is the new sex.