Bite me

Van Helsing has to be one of the dumbest and silliest movies I have ever seen. Sillier even than The Mummy Returns. And nothign original – every (frantically paced) scene is a crib or sometime straight steal from something else. Notably the classic Universal monster movies of the 30s, of course (nice bit where the Universal globe at the start catches fire then dissolves to a burning brand carried by revolting peasants) but also Blade, Batman, various westerns and even Looney Tunes… The liberties taken with characters, settings and the timescales is staggering. And the thing is that despite all of this I really enjoyed it in a switch off brain at door kind of way. Big and dumb and fun, like a sleazy date with a drunken gal in Blackpool.

And Kate Beckinsale in tight pants and corset. Oh yes. Oh yes indeedy.