G-g-g-g-g-ghost ship?

Today the EPA – the Ectoplasmic Protection Agency – continued the legal argument over the arrival of the so-called ‘ghost ships’ from the US Navy. Due to be broken up in a dock in Hartlepool the commercial contract has stirred up trouble when environmentalists raised concerns over the pollution that may be caused by this process. Because these decommissioned old vessels are ghost ships they have been in extensive contact with the inhabitants of the Otherworld. As such the fabric of the ships have been saturated with supernatural elements which could be troublesome if not actually outright toxic to living organisms. The EPA has withdrawn its original license because the company contracted to break up the ships is now not thought to have the correct facilities for safely dismantling the toxic areas of these ships and for storing these elements securely to prevent them polluting the local living biosphere. Should these supernatural elements leach into the local water table for instance there would be an enormous increase in the number of apparitions in the area as well as outbreak of possession and poltergeist activity.

However, all may not be as it seems. One group of independent investigators into the supernatural who travel around in a vehicle they dubbed ‘the Mystery Machine’ have claimed that the ghost ships are not in fact really supernatural at all and that the spectral captain of the lead ghost ship is in fact Old Man Petersen. A spokesperson for the EPA said this was utter nonsense and the decrepit fleet posed a real environmental threat to the UK, adding that they would not let those pesky kids get away with this.