Dateline, the Middle East. Today jets of the Israeli airforce launched a missile attack on Abdul’s Bakery & Delicatessen in the Occupied Territories. Israeli intelligence had marked the small and popular local business as a stronghold of the Islamic terror group/freedom fighters (delete as belief indicates) Hammas. Unfortunately it turned out the intelligence was based on a poor translation from Arabic to Hebrew and actually Mr. Abdul’s shop was actually well known for the quality and quantity of his extremely fine hummus. Luckily Mr. Abdul was closed for mid-day prayers and no-one was injured, the American-made F-15s destroying only some unfortunate chickpeas and garlic and an Israeli tank driver who was left with egg on his face after one of the shop’s omelette’s exploded in the attack.

In a related story Devonshire Constabulary raided the premises of a well-known Cornish pasty maker which was thought by anti-terrorist officers to be a hotbed of organisation for Fundamentalist Cornishmen.

If only the real world were this ridiculous but harmless and silly, instead of being this ridiculous but bloody and awful.