Mars bar

Mars is at it’s closest to Earth for many years. If you’re planning the ultimate summer getaway, may we recommend the Red Planet Resort? Have fun striding over the arid Martian landscape in out tripods and yelling out “uuuulllaaaahhhhhh!”.

From the Pope’s homophobic, anti-democratic rantings to Mars, all in the same day. Don’t say I’m not diverse kids!

Hey, is that a green flare of gas I see? Not to worry – the odds of anything coming from Mars are a million to one,he said…