My sweet Lord

Christians in the US are pissed off (again), this time about a six foot sculpture of Jesus on the cross made out of milk chocolate. Presumably they would be even more offended if it was made from dark chocolate. I find it highly amusing that the Catholic church is especially offended by the idea of a sweet chocolate Jesus you can eat, since the centre of their faith is transubstantiation, where they believe literally – not symbolically, but literally – that the communion wafer and wine become the real body of Jesus as is it administered to the faithful. So why the problem with a choccy Jesus? Surely it would tastes better than a dry wafer?!?! I think the Catholic church in American should bless the statue, then when the gallery show ends they take the now consecrated choccy saviour, have a special mass and eat it!

Before believers start condemning me to the recently re-stoked fires of Hell that the Popenfurher was blistering on about like some medieval idiot last week, think about it, I am just trying to help. The church is always complaining they can’t attract new people, especially younger folks, to services, so surely a consecrated chocolate Jesus is just the thing? I mean you ain’t gonna win friends with crap wine and dry wafer! If you went to a friend’s soiree and all they offered was piss-poor wine and dry wafers you’d think they were a lousy host, so why is the Holy Host so bad? Come on, at least offer some dip with those wafers! Hey, Father, can I have some gaucamole or spicy bean pate to go with the Host, please? And what about a nice Shiraz to wash it down with? I mean, really, make a bloody effort! “oh, monsignor, with this ferrero rocher Jesus you are really spoiling us!”