Bird flu in Scotland

It was confirmed today that a swan found dead in Fife was the first case of Avian Flu in Scotland. The decayed body was found several days ago in the small town of Cellardyke, which gained its name when friendly townsfolk sheltered lesbians in their root cellars from persecution from god fearing Calvinists following the ministry of John Knox.

At first it was thought that the swan had been partially eaten; since the only person allowed to eat swans is the monarch there were concerns for the health of Her Majesty, although this has now proven baseless. Extensive laboratory tests showed the presence of H5N1, the infamous bird flu and this was confirmed by a bottle of Beecham’s for Birds Max Strength Lemsip and a packet of Kleenex found near the body.

It is now speculated that the swan in question was actually a local-dwelling bird meaning it was infected by an incoming migrant bird. The Conservative party at once called for stronger restrictions on illegal immigrants.