Pies

For some bizarre reason a friend and I got on to the topic of pie-shagging (a la American Pie) the other day. Porking a pie – hmmm, is this possibly an alternative source for the name of the pork pie? Not just because it’s made of dead piggy, but because of naughty pastry-related bonking in days of old; after all many pork pies do have that curious little circular depression in the top…

Anyway, from there we somehow went on to Cannibal Country (possibly inspired by last week’s Torchwood with human-eating yokels) and making pies from people. And somehow it mixed with the previous topic and I found myself wondering about cannibal yokels who cut up nubile teen hitchers and turn them into pies, then shag those pies. And I wondered, would our pie-porkin’ cannibal only shag human pies of the opposite sex, unless of course they were gay? I’m just picturing a pair of our happy countryside cannibals indulging in some intimate pastry relations with fresh pies made from their latest chopped up hitchers, one turning to the other and laughing, “man, you is dicking a guy-pie, you fag!”; gay cannibalistic necrophilia (with pies). Kind of American Pie meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Sweeney Todd. It would make a great short horror movie or comic; a tale of lust, love, sexual identity and odd fillings for pies.

Yes, odd things do jump into my head; maybe I do watch too many movies…