Alligator makes citizen’s arrest on junkie

This story from the Orlando Sentinel has to be one of the best weird stories of the week: screams for help in the middle of the night lead locals to call out the police, who arrived by a dark lake to find a naked man who had been smoking crack fighting off an 11-foot alligator. Speaking to the Woolamaloo Gazette later the alligator, Snapper LaCoste, said he had been trying to make a citizen’s arrest. “This lake area used to be a great neighbourhood,” he remarked, “but these damned junkies come here smoking and shooting up, now running around naked. The whole area has gone downhill, you don’t dare take the kids out to the park, litter and drugs detritus lies around the area. When I saw this naked junkie I saw red and decided if the cops wouldn’t take action, I would and made a citizen’s arrest. When he resisted I was forced to attempt to eat him.”