New variant of Swine Flu

Medical researchers at the University of Woolamaloo have identified a serious new mutated variation of Swine Flu, which has been dubbed Pigs in the Trough Flu. Symptoms include milking public funds for huge personal gain then complaining vociferously if said moral abuses are aired in the media whose job it is to hold public figures to account. So far it is largely restricted to politicians, although doctors think that it is closely related to the not dissimilar Fat Feline Flu, which many senior bankers and investors contracted with such disastrous results.

Bailing out the bankers

I believe I have the solution to bailing out the greedy banks who are now begging for billions of taxpayer's cash around the world after getting themselves and their multi-billion pound industry into a mess through poor regulations and sheer greed and stupidity. This weekend there is a massive rollover jackpot in the Euro lottery. Why don't we all just club together, buy the various banks a hundred lottery tickets, hand them to them instead of several billion pounds and say there you, good luck, now fuck off and stop ruining people's businesses, homes and lives you parasites, if we see you back round here again we'll be re-enacting scenes from 1929 with bankers flying out of tower block windows. Even if we have to push.