Been a rough week since losing Cassie. Got through next day, more or less, but coming home from work for the first time that next day was awful – I knew I was coming home for the first time in oh so many years to an empty flat. And it felt bloody awful, so lifeless, empty, no mieowing demands for dinner, for attention, for tummy tickles and cuddles and attention, just me and a quiet flat without a heart. Spent days trying to remind myself no, when I go into the kitchen I don’t need to top up the kitty’s milk bowl, still find myself thinking I need to do it… Several cartons of the special kitty milk in the fridge (although they love milk cats shouldn’t drink it, but you can get a special lactose reduced one suitable for them, Pandora enjoyed it but Cassie loved it, would follow me into kitchen, look at her bowl, then at the fridge then me as if to say, go on, use those opposable thumbs to get me some more milk, dad!). What to do with it? Thought, give it my upstairs neighbour who has a cat, take it up, knock, tell her what happened to Cassie and would she like these for her kitty? Discover her old puss had to be put down just a couple of weeks prior at age 19… Sad, felt like I tried to do something nice from this and just put my foot in it, but she thought it was a nice gesture.
So this weekend is the annual Doors Open day for Edinburgh, which I normally always go to. Really had little enthusiasm for it this year after this week, but went through to help dad around the house yesterday so I could go around Doors Open, figured it was good to get out of the empty flat which is depressing, also managed to persuade my friend who just lost his lovely old dog recently to come as he needed to get out for a while as much as I did. Beautiful, golden autumn afternoon (we often seem to be lucky with weather for Doors Open), perfect for walking around. We visited several places by mid afternoon, one of which was right by one of our favourite long-time watering holes, the Pear Tree, with the huge beer garden. And since it was warm, with that lovely light quality of an autumn day we thought stop and have a quick drink there while we can still enjoy sitting outside, before the winter moves in, wee chat, then on to another couple of venues.
After we’d visited the last place for the day we started walking back to our own end of town, streets busy between tourists, folks who had been out for Doors Open and the remains of a pro independence parade that had taken place earlier, loads of folks sitting out in Princes Street Gardens enjoying the burst of lovely weather, trees still mostly green but with the first yellows and golds starting to creep in. Stopped en route home for another drink and chat in pub we both like but hadn’t been into for months, then continue walk home, decide to take the scenic route, final stop for a drink not too far from home, near Water of Leith, hunger gets the better of us so we order some food (huge servings arrive, way more than I expected), with some beer, then finish final short walk home, feeling much better for being out and doing something, chatting with pal, enjoy a drink, some food too and still home in time for Doctor Who. Flat still feels awfully empty and I miss my furry girls enormously, but today helped a lot.