Happy birthday, mum

Today should be my mum’s birthday; it’s the first since we lost her with such awful, shocking, sickening suddenness. Right now I should be getting a delighted phone call from her after she received the big bouquet of birthday flowers I’d always have sent to her. She loved getting that big bunch of birthday flowers and I loved how happy they made her. Sometimes they’d even still be in bloom when I went home for Christmas a couple of weeks later.

I’ll never hear that ever again. Instead I’ll be back through to Glasgow with dad and taking flowers to her grave. And I hate this. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it. She should be here and she’s not. I feel it every single day, a horrible ache inside, a weight on my spirit I can’t lift, but this makes it worse and the imminent arrival of the Christmas period lurks around the corner like an unwanted visitor and how I hate the thought of Christmas without her. The world feels very cold and all there seems to be to look forward to is small diversions but no real delight. She should be here and happy with us and instead we’re taking flowers to her grave and her name is on a cold bloody stone and that’s not right.

4 thoughts on “Happy birthday, mum

  1. Yep, first awkward date. Been there, got the T-Shirt

    It gets easier my friend, but it always hurts somehow.

    Do me a favour Joe, try to remember the good times with your mum and try to not wallow.

    Hard to say what I really mean as I still hate the fact my mum died before she saw any of my three children.

    I suppose I am trying to relate what I have been through and offer sympathy but I can't, I know this day is going to be blody hard for you and I just want to say I know what youare feeling, and I am thinking of you.

    Take care mate. I offered a friendly ear before, take me up on it anytime.

  2. Yep, first awkward date. Been there, got the T-Shirt

    It gets easier my friend, but it always hurts somehow.

    Do me a favour Joe, try to remember the good times with your mum and try to not wallow.

    Hard to say what I really mean as I still hate the fact my mum died before she saw any of my three children.

    I suppose I am trying to relate what I have been through and offer sympathy but I can't, I know this day is going to be blody hard for you and I just want to say I know what youare feeling, and I am thinking of you.

    Take care mate. I offered a friendly ear before, take me up on it anytime.

  3. Yep, first awkward date. Been there, got the T-Shirt

    It gets easier my friend, but it always hurts somehow.

    Do me a favour Joe, try to remember the good times with your mum and try to not wallow.

    Hard to say what I really mean as I still hate the fact my mum died before she saw any of my three children.

    I suppose I am trying to relate what I have been through and offer sympathy but I can't, I know this day is going to be blody hard for you and I just want to say I know what youare feeling, and I am thinking of you.

    Take care mate. I offered a friendly ear before, take me up on it anytime.

  4. Yep, first awkward date. Been there, got the T-Shirt

    It gets easier my friend, but it always hurts somehow.

    Do me a favour Joe, try to remember the good times with your mum and try to not wallow.

    Hard to say what I really mean as I still hate the fact my mum died before she saw any of my three children.

    I suppose I am trying to relate what I have been through and offer sympathy but I can't, I know this day is going to be blody hard for you and I just want to say I know what youare feeling, and I am thinking of you.

    Take care mate. I offered a friendly ear before, take me up on it anytime.

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