Bailing out the bankers

I believe I have the solution to bailing out the greedy banks who are now begging for billions of taxpayer’s cash around the world after getting themselves and their multi-billion pound industry into a mess through poor regulations and sheer greed and stupidity. This weekend there is a massive rollover jackpot in the Euro lottery. Why don’t we all just club together, buy the various banks a hundred lottery tickets, hand them to them instead of several billion pounds and say there you, good luck, now fuck off and stop ruining people’s businesses, homes and lives you parasites, if we see you back round here again we’ll be re-enacting scenes from 1929 with bankers flying out of tower block windows. Even if we have to push.

Cashing in on the Credit Crunch

Watching Channel 4 News this evening and their financial reporter in the States talking to an expert about how the greedy bastards in trading and banking got themselves into a mess which tax payers are expected to bail them out from (while the directors of said banks walk off with huge bonuses). The expert they are talking to had the glorious name of Art Cashin. I kid yet not.

McCartney Mills settlement

A high court judge has ruled in the divorce proceedings between Heather Mills and Paul McCartney; Macca has to buy the failed Northern Rock bank and give it to Heather as her part of the divorce settlement. And then she has to stop whining about the media portrayal of her when she’s been out on a constant media campaign in the first place (or ‘doing a Diana’ as it is known in PR circles).

It’s a Wonderful Life

Am I the only one who, while watching panicked customers trying to remove their life savings from troubled mortgage lender Northern Rock, keep flashing back to Frank Capra’s It’s a Wonderful Life and that scene of Jimmy Stewart pleading with investors – I can’t give you your money, it isn’t here, it’s in Frank’s house and Joe’s house…

I do like the fact that the government, financial regulators, Bank of England and Northern Rock all insist there is no problem. Perhaps they are right in their assertion it is a liquidity problem and they needed some quick cash to keep things ticking over, but getting a multi-million pound handout from the Bank of England to a major mortgage supplier does mean there is a problem of some sort. Still, since the Bank of England is feeling so generous why not bung me a few grand to help me pay my mortgage, eh? After all you are the scunners who have raised rates several times in one year and made it so much harder for me and hundreds of thousands of others to try keeping up with their bills, not that the pinstripe suit-wearing, overpaid twats on the B of E board give a damn about how their decisions affect ordinary people, do they? By coincidence my annual mortgage statement came in as this news was breaking and it was so depressing to look at it and see it jump up almost every second month for the whole year – bastards and their endless rate rises fucking with people’s lives, utterly unaccountable to the people for the actions they take which can have terrible effects on them all.

Sometimes I dream of torture devices linked to the financial markets and tying those scunners into it – the more rates go up the more pain is inflicted on them. Anyone want to help me develop this idea?