Remember, remember the fifth of November

The gunpowder treason and plot.

I see no reason why gunpowder treason Should ever be forgot.

Politicians are now looking more likely to impose far tougher restrictions on the sale of fireworks. It’s a shame that if they go the whole hog families won’t be able to enjoyGuy Fawkes Night bashes in their own gardens anymore like they did when I was a kid (although we had to hold it on a different night since my uncle was a firefighter and it is their busiest night of the year!). On the other hand I am sick of wee hooligans getting hold of fireworks from disreputable stores and then throwing them at cyclists, vehicles, people and animals so maybe it is time to effectively end public sale of them. That or take each wee ned who throws fireworks at people or animals, tie them to a post at Bonfire Night celebrations and stuff lit fireworks down their pants. The Ned stood by the burning pyre, his pants full of bangers; five of them went off at once and blew off both his knackers…

I do find it endlessly amusing that in most parts of the USA there are quite serious restrictions on the sale of fireworks, especially compared to our more liberal laws – they treat them (rightly) as quite dangerous in the wrong hands. Of course, you can walk into Walmart and buy a fine array of high velocity guns, but at least the fireworks are kept out of unsafe hands!

On a more-or-less unrelated note I was thinkong on the multi-buy offers so beloved of big chain stores – Buy One Get One Free (or BOGOF as it is known in retail) and the 3 for 2 which seems more central to some booksellers than range and I wondered about certain items you don’t normally see on multi buys.

For example, do the likes of Walmart ever do a 3 for 2 on armour piercing ammunition? Buy One Smith &Wesson, Get One Free! You don’t normally see a 3 for 2 deal on wheel spinners for the tasteless (be handy if you owned an old Robin Reliant or Bubble Car though) and plastic surgeons rarely offer 3 for 2 on breast augmentation (with the possible expection of the prostitute with three boobs in Total Recall). When was the last time you saw ‘Buy One Bathroom Suite, Get One Free’? Buy One Football Club, Get One Free (offer applies only to Eastern European Businesspersons, terms and conditions apply). Hysterectomy – 3 for 2 this month only. Ear piecing, 3 for 2.

There’s a whole range of consumables out there that seem to have avoided the multi-buy mentality for some reason. Anything you think should be multi-buy? And in the case of books, does anyone else feel that perhaps they should just be honest and start selling potboiler ‘bestsellers’ (which often aren’t bestsellers in the traditional sense but have been made to seem this way by market manipulation) books by weight instead of 3 for 2? Special reduction if you buy 5 kilos of Tom Clancy this week; treat yourself to a couple of kilos of Chick Lit for the weekend (low in fat and utterly disposable); oh shopkeeper, may I trouble you for a gross of Harry Potter and a couple of slices of poetry on the side?

Everybody was Kung Fu Fighting…

Possibly even funnier than the video that went with that awful old pop song (which saw a rather tubby coloured guy in pyjamas trying to do chop-sockey to the above title tune) is this groovy vid from the Ministry of Unknown Science.