FIDDLER REPORT PUBLISHED

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The eagerly-awaited results of the Fiddler Report was published and presented to Parliament this afternoon. Lord Fiddler of Whytewashe, a retired senior civil servant from the Department of Plausible Deniability, has completed his exhaustive enquiry (editing out angry swear words from Alistair Campbell’s testimony alone took several weeks and a team of typists) into the proper apportioning of blame in the Butler Report. Since the Butler Report concluded that there were intelligence failures and misleading use of that intelligence to lead Britain to war but added that no-one was to blame there has been uproar in the country (although not in the Commons where the leader of the opposition, Howard the Frog, singularly failed to impale Mr Blair during Prime Minister’s Question Time despite being handed an incredibly sharp weapon). <>

Since the lack of blame and responsibility could be interpreted as being harmful to Mr Blair and his Charming Smile the Fiddler Report was commissioned to discover what failings there were in the investigation into failings and to finally apportion some blame. After much deliberation no-one could be found to take blame for not previously taking the blame, so the BBC is being blamed again. Meanwhile the author has taken off to Italy for a holiday in Rome which is currently undergoing a heat wave, so it could be said the government’s stooge is Fiddler while Rome burns. In related news a new TV show begins next week, How Clean Is Your Conscience? The highly popular team from How Clean Is Your House? are being drafted in to make sure the consciences of leading members of society are sparkling and free of guilt. The first week’s subject will be the Right Honourable (ahem) Tony Blair, Prime Minister.

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