My Band Wagon

I’d just like to drive Ariel made by announcing that I am, in fact, the new J K Rowling. Yes, it’s official, kids, writing under my pen name of Alouisius Pengiun I will soon be bringing out my new children’s fantasy series from Facsimile & Fukkwhit publishers entitled The Enchanted Gravy Train. This is no mere media hype however, I am the new J K Rowling. To prove it you can read my book and see how I made my kid’s fantasy by chopping and taking parts from loads of other, better fantasies and stitching them together without a single original idea of my own. To further prove it I will take all the money I make from forcing poor, exploited booksellers to work at midnight serving screaming rugrats and drunken students selling my new books and buy a huge Scottish estate then moan about how hard it is to come up with a new book under all that pressure of being successful and refuse to do proper book tours to piss of my young fans. You, see – the evidence is solid – I am the new J K, at least until next week’s new one…

Or, to put the point another way – stop trying to create new J K Rowling’s by media hype you sad newspaper twats and just read some good fucking books and tell you readers about them. Or better still, unplug your fetid little brains and tell your readers to come to the Alien Online and we’ll give them more good book recommends than they can handle.