Vote, vote, vote…

A former general wanting to run for president on an anti-war ticket. The Terminator wanting to be the ‘people’s governor’ for California. And all of this after several years of George Dubyah Bush and the ridiculous and embarrassing electoral shenanigans which brought him, most disreputably, into power. Alas, poor America, how it suffers, how it’s much vaunted democracy for the people, by the people and of the people (or at least the rich, white section of the people) has suffered until it is now clearly exposed as a joke, the punch line played on the unfortunate American public.

In order to redress this dreadful decline and help restore faith in the US democratic process my cats have decided to run for office. Cassandra has announced she will make herself available to govern California. Pandora has selfishly accepted the Feline nomination for President. Campaigning on an anti-war, pro-free fish and tummy tickling for all they expect to harness the votes of many Americans who feel disenfranchised and removed from their government.

Both cats have already proved themselves considerably more erudite than either George Bush or Arnold Schwarzenneger on the hustings and certainly display far more charisma than either of their two-legged opponents. Pandora explained that this was because ‘two legs were bad, four legs were better.’ She went on to explain that she intended to push for fellow cats to take over civil administration in Iraq while she pulled out US troops. Humans, she argued, have made a total dog’s dinner of the country. Saddam was a lunatic and Bush has killed thousands of the people he is supposedly liberating – it is time for a delicate paw at the controls of this ravaged country.

In California Cassandra has proved very popular on whistle stop tours of the major cities. Where Arnold has had eggs thrown at him, Cassie had fish thrown to her, wish she promptly ate before giving a keynote address telling how she would reduce stress and crime by making sure all Californians had access to a cat to play with, before she decided to snooze in the sun for a couple of hours. Some opponents argued that as cats nap for up to 18 hours a day they would be unable to perform all of their duties. Pandora pointed out this still meant they would be awake and alert for more hours of the day than Ronald Reagan ever was as President.

More from the electoral trail as we hear it.