Blair’s Middle-East getaway from it all break

Most news agencies reported today on Tony Blair visiting that fine, sun-kissed holiday destination, Baghdad, where he could top up his tan in-between visits to his regular holidays in Italy. However, only we at the Gazette seem to have picked up on a factual error: the red carpet was not rolled out for Mr Blair’s visit. In fact it was the dead carpet. Like the more well-known red carpet it is also a scarlet colour, but the dead carpet’s hue is because it is stained red with blood and the fabric of the carpet is woven from threads taken from the clothes of the soldiers and civilians killed in the ‘liberation’ of Iraq. This allows world leaders to walk across the dead with their feet but allows their hands to appear as if they are not soaked in spilled blood.

Okay, maybe it wasn’t really a dead carpet woven of slaughtered people’s clothes in reality; it’s a sarcastic bit of metaphor. But on another level it’s absolutely goddam true. That man should be scrubbing his hands more than Lady Macbeth.